The Microsoft news feed on my work PC seems confident that I want to read stories about George R.R. Martin's never-happening next Game of Thrones book, Man City's unlikely-to-ever-happen 115 fines, Wetherspoon's latest pub openings and closings, and behind-the-scenes insights into the Traitors.
They haven't really got me sussed yet, but I do like keeping up to date with Spoons.
Which is how I came to pick Beaconsfield as a wintery Saturday afternoon destination, providing me the chance to visit the newly opened Chiltern.
The Chiltern (12 Station Road, Beaconsfield, HP9 1QR)
And wow! It was doing a roaring trade - the new kid on the block bringing out the locals in force.
At first glance the building doesn't look especially old or cinema-like. Yet it opened in 1927, designed by Leathart and Granger of London in an unconventional style for a picture house. In 1989 the credits for Nick Nolte crime thriller 'The Three Fugitives' rolled and the popcorn detritus was swept up for the final time when The Chiltern closed. In the interim it's been a pizza restaurant, but now finds itself as one of the newest Spoons outlets.
In a Beaconsfield bid to be released from Bucks and incorporated into the capital, The Chiltern was taking part in the Wetherspoon London Beer Festival. Presenting me with too much choice at the bar, with a cracking range of styles represented over half-a-dozen guest ale hand pulls. The Wimbledon 'Hounds of Helles' drew me in with the dramatic pump clip and my fondness for a dunkel. Although it was a bit light-bodied and not as good as I'd hoped.
And wow! It was doing a roaring trade - the new kid on the block bringing out the locals in force.
At first glance the building doesn't look especially old or cinema-like. Yet it opened in 1927, designed by Leathart and Granger of London in an unconventional style for a picture house. In 1989 the credits for Nick Nolte crime thriller 'The Three Fugitives' rolled and the popcorn detritus was swept up for the final time when The Chiltern closed. In the interim it's been a pizza restaurant, but now finds itself as one of the newest Spoons outlets.
The 'bustling' heart of the pub is the high-roofed auditorium where the bar is, whilst there are quieter seating areas in a front section and around the entryway.
Toilets are, inevitably, a climb up the stairs, with a glass-walled passageway to them providing the birds-eye view of proceedings.
This is a shop conversion, turned into a modern bar which is too smart and large to be called a micro. It's not going to please anyone looking for a traditional pub, but it instantly gets my thumbs-up for Violent Femmes 'Blister in the Sun' playing on my arrival.
Here's the beer list...
I ordered a half of the Otherworld 'Lycan' pale ale, having had a superb stout from the Dalkeith brewery in Oxford's The Grapes a couple of days earlier.
And a half of the local cask - Stardust 'Roses'.
Football chat from the three gents on the next table who turned out to be Hadley FC's Ultras (Beaconsfield Town 4 Hadley 1, hmmm...perhaps you should stayed in the pub).
And bespoke beer mats...what else can you ask for?
Which was quite charming...
By the roundabout where the A40 and the road to the station meet, you've got the old Royal Saracen's Head on one side and the untraditionally named Vinny and Ted on the other.
There are a couple more pubs in this part of town, but lots of 'No Cask Ale' notes on the CAMRA website.
There are a couple more pubs in this part of town, but lots of 'No Cask Ale' notes on the CAMRA website.
The entrance porch suggests an old pub, although I can find no record of what this used to be before becoming the second Vinny and Ted (the first being nearby in Chalfont St Peter).
It's a bright modern place within. Stylish lighting. Shiny polished wooden floors. Blankets to drape over yourself if you opt to sit outside.
Professional bloggers would ask the bar staff to pose for a picture. I give you the bar staff's back as my Verdant murk is being expertly dispensed...
A really decent selection from the likes of Anspach & Hobday, Wiper & True, and Glasshouse. There were also two hand pumps offering cask from Deya ('Steady Rolling Man') or Swannay ('Chance Your Arm').
I was foolish, spending £7.50 on a half of Verdant's 'Putty 2026', one of those concoctions which they make a new version of each year, rave about the latest variety, and charge an arm and a leg for it. Very nice, mind you.
I was so chuffed to make it without any rain falling from the gathering grey clouds that I didn't notice the very neat topiary in the front garden.
The oversized houses lining Penn Road with their security gates should really have given a clue that the residents of Knotty Green wouldn't be clamouring for a down-to-earth trad boozer. Maybe this was just that at one point, but in its latest incarnation, The Lion is very much the smart and respectable dining pub.
I boldly took a bang average pint of 'Overthrow' to the best seat in the house: the table next to the fireplace, where I disregarded the 'reserved' sign. Actually, I think every table had a reserved sign - it was that kind of place.
I quaffed the second half of my beer rather too quickly, keen to move on. I was just down the road from the self-proclaimed oldest pub in England, the historic inn that will most likely be the reason any pub afficionado has hopped off the train at Beaconsfield station.
It was autumn 2020 when I last visited, back in the time of table-service and getting told off it you wandered around too much trying to find the room where they filmed Hot Fuzz or Midsomer Murders.
To be honest, it's a tourist attraction - enormous car park (just me getting stuck in the mud on that footpath through the field of horses then...) - folks not quite knowing what to do at the bar - no-one blinking an eyelid at the odd chap taking pictures...it's almost expected here.
All at premium prices.
I picked the Rebellion 'Roasted Nuts', served in a heavy, pub-branded, handled glass which seemed to make it last longer.
I plonked myself in the rear banquet room...
Finishing my pint, I raced back over the muddy footpath under a dusky sky, then through the leafy Beaconsfield suburbs, only to reach the station approach road and see the Oxford train departing.
Bugger. Forty-five minutes. A patient wait on the platform? Back to Spoon's for more festival beers? Somewhere new?
The new 'tick' won...
I'd walked past the Beech House earlier on my trek to the Lion, although it hadn't jumped out at me and got me hoping I'd have to time to spare before a train.
It's a large single-storey modern pub which has been open since 2013. Still described as 'newly open' on CAMRA's website description, suggesting Beaconsfield really doesn't get much love from the local branch.
Huge dining room to the right, spacious drinking areas to the left. A fair crowd in early on a Saturday evening, although I wonder how many they've lost to Spoons?
The sole hand pump served a below par Fullers 'London Pride'.
I not only kept one of the Boothe party seats warm before 18:00 but also covered half their reserved sign in London Pride due a wobbly table. The bits of rubbish aren't mine though...I take my litter away with me.
The sole hand pump served a below par Fullers 'London Pride'.
I not only kept one of the Boothe party seats warm before 18:00 but also covered half their reserved sign in London Pride due a wobbly table. The bits of rubbish aren't mine though...I take my litter away with me.
And with that, it was time to catch a train.
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